domingo, 17 de janeiro de 2016

Saudade aos dezesseis


Eu li um poema meu de quando eu completei dezesseis anos e hoje eu tenho dezoito, fazem dois anos que escrevi esse poema: Cansaço aos dezesseis e tudo que sinto é que era um pedido de ajuda, mesmo antes de saber que precisava de ajuda, mesmo com tudo que houve eu sinto que se pudesse eu voltaria no tempo e abraçaria a Megan de 16 anos porque era o que nós precisamos, eu lhe diria "seja forte" porque nós estamos conseguindo de pouco em pouco, um dia de cada vez, e mesmo não tendo mais a mesma habilidade em poemas eu vou tentar responder a ela:

Respira, respira agora faz 18
Toda beleza volta aos poucos
Ainda com 39 de pés cansados,
mas agora nossa alma está bem
agora com 1,75 de sonhos novos
bem no topo desses cabelos curtos
Ah menina se tu soubesse,
 o que te aguarda...
Vai ser feliz de novo
vai viver de novo
de pouco em pouco, mas não desiste!
Ok, Ok só faz 18, mas eu ja sei mais
sei de nós e sei aonde vamos
Ah menina se tu visse,
não desiste que tu chega lá.
Vai viver muito mais que isso
Eu segurarei seus braços,
você levantará e vai ver que nós conseguimos
E no fundo...
Ainda temos o sonho de ser feliz

segunda-feira, 11 de janeiro de 2016

Future

I wish I could write this on portuguese but I just can't, I'm listening to Who You Are - Jessie J and she is telling me that it's ok not to be ok, and I'm not... And she also says that I can't forget who I am, but... Who am I? I don't feel ok, but it's because I feel lost, I can't find myself, or who I'm suppose to be, I can't understand how this happened,  how I just end up here, undecided, lost in myself and who I'm suppose to be or not, I can't decide, I can't choose. What do I need to do? I always thought I would be invincible, that all my dreams would come true and there would have some difficulties but nothing that I wouldn't be able to handle with... But now I grew up, I'm different and the reality is different too. Life is difficult, is tough and don't thing I can handle... Sometimes is just the depression talking but I'm pretty sure of one only thing in my life and this is that life is dam difficult and I don't know if I can handle that, I dreamed about going easily to the college and being an amazing person, but it just don't work like that, you see, when you grow up you face the universities in front of you and you are scary like I little girl, because they want you to be suddenly a woman and you have no idea how to do that, and they judge you in a unprepared way, you are scared and honestly I am terrified, am I gonna get in? Do I want to get in? What am I suppose to be in the university? It's going to prepare me to be great and I wanna be great... Don't I? I guess... Life is not a fairy tale where my prince will just show up and save me from a terrible future and we gonna be happy ever after, in life you are a warrior and you have to keep your head up and your eyes wild open, I don't know if I can't deal with that, yesterday I was just a girl, a normal dreamy girl and today I'm a woman and a warrior, I'm suppose to accept what I ask for when I was a child and though life was a paradise and deal with it? I suppose to stand up for my glowing and heavy future and hold it on. I should carry the world in my shoulders even though I don't know how to clean my room properly yet, and there's him... I finally love, and I love him so much, as Megan love Michel but in the right way, on the normal and human way I am completely, absolutely and  irreversibly in love with him and I want to keep like this, I don't want to say good bye and this hurt every time I think about, I love him I truly love him and it's the first time in my life he truly love me back. I'm not talking just about sex, I'm talking about true love, I could give my air to him so he could breath if he needs, I could find the cure of any disease  if his is suffering I just don't wanna loose him, I'm enough of loosing the people who I love and I can't be that far from him... I'm made to follow my destiny, but I few in love for life and for those who I have and this sucks. All I wanna to know is who I'm suppose to be, what am I suppose to do and who I am? Some people would say "just live the life and give shit about future or destiny, your life is bigger than that, love, life, friends and family is everything you gonna have in the end of the day" but I can't accept that, because in the end of all I'll be dead, and new people will rise, new people are born right now and I can't live like it doesn't matter because it does, if I'm gonna die shouldn't I just do something for this planet? Shouldn't I do something for the future? What am I  suppose to do?

By: Megan